How it Feels to Quit the Race
I knew it was coming. I had planned on moving to Florida for over a year. I had thought it would be possible to transfer with my current company and work remotely, but when it came down to about 3 weeks before the move, and I still only had external prospects, I started to panic a bit.
I hadn’t thought my move would require me to leave a company that constantly reminded us it was the best place to work. A company that people had asked me about getting a job there about once a week on average. A company that was impossible to get a foot in the door.
I was terrified to leave. Would my job be “the one that got away”? Should I have postponed my move and just tried a little harder or waited a little longer? What in the hell was I doing giving up a career that I had worked so hard for?
As I was lying in bed the night before my final day at work, I told my family all these awful terrifying thoughts I was having. Hoping they would commiserate with me. Instead my dad, in his ever-so-wise way said “Try not to worry so much. Choose happiness. A beautiful life awaits.” So simple, yet so promising.
Ugh, of course he would say something annoyingly perfect like that. But, it was truly what I need to hear. At that moment, my worries melted into excitement, as I suddenly remembered that I, for the first time in my life that endless opportunity before me.
For the first time, and potentially the last, I didn’t have a plan. Had my dad not reminded me that I was responsible for my feelings about this, I might have spent my last day wallowing, fearful, and sad. Instead, I chose happiness. On my last day, I enjoyed a delicious leisurely breakfast with my co-workers as a send off, I chose to stop and have conversations that I wouldn’t normally stop to have, and I walked out of the office I had spent 8 hours in every day for 3 years with a smile on my face and what felt like wings on my back.
I won’t lie, it feels pretty freaking fantastic to be unemployed. Now, let’s talk in 3 weeks when I’m eating only soup and watching only reruns of Full House.
Bur for now, for today I did the “unthinkable”. I stepped out of the rat race. I may sound crazy, but maybe it’s time I did something a little crazy. I’ve spent a lot of time following a lot of rules thinking working hard and sacrificing would bring me joy.
Sometimes, it brought me cool opportunities, but I’ve so many times pushed my own primal desires down to play this game, and today the game just stopped. It’s just me and my rules right now.
I’m learning that you don’t always need a perfect plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.
I’m so grateful that after a crazy past 4 years of dancing professionally and trying to hold a full time job on top of it have come to a close. It’s nice to let go and just BE for while. WE find so much identity in what we DO, so it’s hard to separate myself from that, ad replace that fear with curiosity.
I’m lucky to have this opportunity to take some time for myself and my family, hit the rest button, explore the world a little but with my boyfriends Ryan and slow down. I’m not quite sure what my future holds, but I know it won’t be boring. In fact, I think what lies before me is going to be quite a beautiful life.
“Leave the road. Take the trails.” Pythagore
Leave a comment below and tell me about a time you chose happiness and how it changed your perception! I'd love to hear about it!